WEDNESDAY - JUNE 17, 2026

HUMPDAY

Your weekly dose of Insight & Inspiration

The Mirror You Need

How finding a trusted truth-teller - and knowing what to do with honest feedback - is one of the most powerful acts of leadership growth

“Would it be ok if I stop in real quick?” It was long after 6pm when I saw those words come across my instant messaging tab. “Of course!” I replied. A few minutes later our director of patient experience appeared at my office door.

I was currently serving as the CNO of a large trauma center and had a strategy meeting earlier in the day. The meeting had gone really well. There was a lot of energy in the room about the strategic agenda I had presented, and I felt good about the how I had connected with my team and the plans we had made for moving the organization forward.

I invited our patient experience director in, and we sat at the round table in my office. She seemed a little nervous and kind of hesitated her words as she thanked me for visiting with her so late in the workday. After a few awkward moments she asked, “may I give you some feedback?”

She and I had worked together for over a year at this point, and I had an enormous amount of respect for her and her work ethic. She went on to share how some of the ideas and plans of the strategic agenda I shared did not resonate with her and some of her colleagues. She also shared that some of my word choices “just landed wrong” with her and others. I was a little taken aback. I really felt like the meeting and gone so well. The initial response I felt in my gut was to try to justify why I chose the words and content she referred to. Instead, I took a deep breath and asked her to tell me more about why she perceived my presentation the way she did. It was a truly eye-opening experience for me.

"The most valuable thing a leader can have is someone willing to tell them what others won’t."

The Blind Spot Problem

Every leader has them. Blind spots - those gaps between how we see ourselves and how others experience us. The higher you rise, the harder they are to detect on your own.

It’s not a character flaw. It’s human nature. We filter the world through our own experience, assumptions, and habits. What we perceive as decisive confidence might register to others as dismissiveness. What feels like high standards might land as chronic disapproval. what we think of as delegation might look, from the other side, like abandonment.

This isn’t just a leadership problem - it is a leadership liability. Because blind spots don’t stay quiet. They quietly erode trust, stall teams, and limit the growth of everyone, including the leader who carries them unknowingly.

The only antidote is honest feedback from someone who will tell you the truth. Not the sanitized version. The real one.

Finding Your Truth-Teller

Not everyone can play this role, and not everyone should. A trusted feedback partner is not simply a friend, a mentor or a coach - though they might be any of those things. What defines them is a very specific combination of qualities:

• They know you well enough to speak to patterns, not just incidents. One-time feedback is a data point. Pattern-based feedback is insight.

• They have standing to observe - meaning they have watched you lead, present, decide, and respond under pressure. Secondhand impressions don’t count.

• They care more about your growth than about your comfort. Approval is easy to give. Honest input requires something of the giver.

• They have no agenda in the outcome. A colleague competing for the same promotion has a conflict. Your truth-teller must be genuinely invested in your success, not their own position.

• They can separate observation from judgement. the feedback you need is behavioral and specific - not a verdict on your character.

This person may already be in your life. A longtime peer. A former colleague who has watched your career evolve. A mentor who has nothing to gain from telling you what you want to hear. If they exist, invest in that relationship deliberately - make it safe for them to be honest with you.

If they don’t exist yet, that gap is worth closing. Look for someone a step removed from your day-to-day who knows your industry, values directness, and has earned your trust over time. Then explicitly invite them into this role. Give them permission to be candid.

What to Do With Honest Feedback

Receiving feedback well is a skill - one that is harder than it looks and more important than most leaders realize. The natural human response to critical feedback is defensiveness. We explain. We contextualize. We mentally search for reasons the feedback is wrong. That impulse, while understandable, is the enemy of growth. Here is a better framework for what to do when someone gives you honest, well-intentioned feedback:

1. Listen to understand, not respond. Resist the urge to interrupt, explain, or defend. Let the full message land before you process it.

2. Thank them before you evaluate it. Your first job is to make it safe for them to keep telling you the truth. If honest feedback earns a defensive reaction, you will stop receiving it.

3. Sit with it before deciding. Your first reaction is rarely your best one. Give yourself 24-48 hours before you conclude what the feedback means or whether you agree with it.

4. Separate the signal from the noise. Not all feedback is accurate, and not all of it is meant for you to act on as delivered. Ask: is there a thread of truth or a trend here, even if the framing is imperfect?

5. Decide and act. Ultimately, you choose what to do with it. Receiving feedback isn’t the same as obeying it. But receiving it well means you give it genuine, honest consideration before deciding.

The leaders who grow the most are not the ones who always get it right. They are the ones wo build systems - relationships, habits, and rituals - that help them see what they cannot see on their own.

3 PRACTICES FOR THE FEEDBACK-READY LEADER

1. Schedule it intentionally. Don’t wait for feedback to arrive organically. Create a regular rhythm - quarterly, at minimum - where you ask your truth-teller directly: “What am I missing? What am I not seeing?”

2. Ask the specific question. Vague requests get vague answers. Try: “How do I come across when I’m under pressure?” or “What do people wish I did differently in meetings?” Precision unlocks depth.

3. Close the loop. After you’ve acted on feedback, tell them. It honors the gift of their honesty and reinforces that candor leads somewhere. That keeps the feedback coming.

The feedback I received from our patient experience director that day was spot on. It allowed me to re-think my plan and cast a new vision and message that resonated with the entire team and better positioned us for success. That patient experience director and I worked together for a long time. She became my truth-teller. To this day she is the person I call and ask to help me see situations from all angles. Her feedback is always kind but direct and has made me a better leader.

A Final Thought

There is no leader alive who has the full picture of their own impact. We are all, in some way, guessing. The question is whether you are guessing alone or guessing with good information.

Finding someone who will hold up a clear mirror - and learning to look into it without flinching - is not a sign of weakness. It is one of the most courageous things a leader can do.

Your blind spots don’t have to stay blind. But “unblinding” them requires someone who cares enough to show you what you cannot see.

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This week identify one person in your life who has the standing, care, and honesty to be your truth-teller. If that relationship already exists, reach out this week and ask them one specific question about a blind spot you suspect you might have. If it doesn’t exist yet - that’s your assignment: find that person and build that relationship.

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I’d love to hear from you. Please reach out and share if you found this insight helpful, if you’d like to talk about it more, or if there’s a topic you’d like to see in a future Humpday. Stacie@LumisLeadership.com

~ Stacie

The “Humpday” was an e-mail originally created by a great leader and mentor - Marc Strode. He used the Humpday to bring insight and inspiration to his team every week. With his permission and at his request to Keep the Spirit - the Humpday lives on. Marc, thank you for being a leader worth following. Despite your love for camels, you truly are the GOAT!